Realization

Yesterday, we were in Target picking out Mother's Day cards for our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmother's. As we were picking out cards for different people with the help from the girls, I realized, I no longer have a grandmother to buy a card for...I paused, took a deep breath and kept right on trucking. Of course, Peter's grandmother's are very special to me, but it's different. I immediately buried the hurt I was feeling.

Also, yesterday my phone completely crashed/died so I had to reboot it; during this process, I lost everything. Promptly, I sent out a mass email to get all of my numbers back. Later on, I quickly glanced at my phone and realized I had lost all of my pictures-most of them are saved to my computer but there were a few from this past weekend that I lost. But today, I was playing with my phone and realized I had lost all of my old messages. To most people, that is not a big deal but to me, it was a huge deal. I was brought to tears. I had purposely saved 2 sweet messages from my Grams. They both started with "Hi Tiff, this is Grams" (in her sweet, loving, Okie accent)-I kept them on purpose so I could hear her voice whenever I wanted and to never forget her sweet voice. I feel like the longer people are not here with us on earth, the more we tend to forget the little things (the way they smelled, smiled, talked, etc). I wanted to preserve the her memory as long as possible.

So today's realization is: I miss my Grams and my other grandma's more than I left myself believe. I also tend to bury my feelings to not feel the hurt...today, I felt the hurt.